I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize