haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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