I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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