What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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