the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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