I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize