he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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