I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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