This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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