I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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