i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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