she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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