i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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