Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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