No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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