And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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