I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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