So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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