the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize