Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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