shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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