dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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