Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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