batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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