Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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