Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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