this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize