I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize