I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize