the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize