Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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