I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize