girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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