wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
bring money and cleavage
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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