whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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