i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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