I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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