I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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