how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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