fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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