Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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