I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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