My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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