somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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