You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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