I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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