I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize