ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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