i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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