i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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